Mafia Shots
by Snow757
Summary: A collection of random oneshots. Almost all genres are included. Chapter 8: Xanxus wanted a lot of things. He wanted a bigger chair, a never ending glass of Tequila and the title of the Vongola Tenth. He, however, did not want this.
1. Oblivious

Hi there, welcome to my oneshot dump. I didn't want to drown you all with my silly oneshots so I thought of piling them up here for my own sick amusement. I posted most of these on my Tumblr, but there is no harm on posting it here too right?

******Title:** Oblivious.******  
Timeline:** After chapter 393.******  
****Characters/Pairings: **Mentions of one sided Bermuda/Reborn, Tsuna.**********  
**Genre: Humor.**********  
Summury: **Can't he see it?

**A/N:** Due to the recent chapters, I felt I needed to write this. Excuse the stupidity of my writings.

* * *

**Oblivious**

* * *

"Reborn," Tsuna started, turning his head slightly to speak to his tiny tutor, who was sitting comfortably on the other's shoulder.

"What?" The said tiny tutor asked.

"Don't you feel like Bermuda is a little bit _too interested_ in you?"

Reborn merely raised an eyebrow at that. "He probably feels threatened by the fact that I'm the strongest Arcobaleno, so I wouldn't think much of it."

"I don't know about that…" Tsuna frowned in doubt. "He openly admitted that he likes you."

"What are you implying?" He was regretting ever starting this awkward conversation now.

"Doesn't it look like a crush to you?" The brown haired teen questioned hesitantly.

Reborn stared at him for a long time before answering, "You're over-thinking things again Dame-Tsuna."

"Yeah, maybe…" Tsuna muttered softly, before Reborn started discussing the plans for tomorrow with him.

There were a lot of things he would call his tutor…

But he didn't think that _oblivious to love_ was one of them.

* * *

This one is rather short isn't it?

So, what do you think?


	2. Surrounded by Idiots

I got reviews! Unbelievable!

**iPolaris:** Tsuna was thinking about the impossible again; probably because the lack of sleep. Ah, you got me XD Since this isn't beta readed, it'll have more mistakes, but I'll try to improve (you're free to point out the errors though, it'll really help ^^) I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review :)

**aLittleBlue:** I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, the idea of that is insane, but the results are hilarious. Thanks for the review :D

******Title:** Surrounded by Idiots.  
******Timeline:** No specific timeline.******  
****Characters/Pairings: **Vongola, Varia, Cavallone, Arcobaleno, Millefiore, Kokuyo-gang, Shimon.**********  
**Genre: Gen.  
**********Summury: **There is a time when every leader of a group thinks that he's surrounded by a group of lunatics. In their case, nothing was different.

**A/N:** This may not make sense, the idea came and I couldn't shake it off.

* * *

**Surrounded by Idiots**

* * *

**1. Surrounded by embarrassing idiots.**

He wished his men wouldn't embarrass him in front of others that often. He's losing face every time they shared his childhood _(and in other times, his adulthood)_ failures with any of the family's close friends.

But then again, they were with him from the start. They believed in him, believed that he would lead the Cavallone family to new heights. They didn't betray or abandon him for a moment.

So they might embarrass him most of the times.

But Dino was really grateful to them.

* * *

**2. Surrounded by overpowered idiots.**

Three lives, and the situation was the same.

Reborn and Collonello were competing over who was the best at their latest wager, then deciding to pick on Skull instead; Verde thinking loudly to experiment on one of them while looking evilly at Skull; Fon lecturing Viper to reduce his/her interest on money, a fact that irritates Viper to the point of starting to attack Fon; Lal beating Collonello to a bloody pulp for trying to hit on her while blushing furiously.

No matter how the time has passed, they were still the same.

Their group might be too powerful for any other organization to handle, but they worked wonderfully together; they lived with them through three lives after all.

Three lives that Sky Arcobalenos were glad to live.

* * *

**3. Surrounded by disposable idiots.**

They were arguing again. For a powerful group like the Funeral Wraths, they didn't get along that much. Although the Millefiore grew stronger with them under its wing, he was starting to get a bit annoyed with their antics.

_I wonder who will I get rid of first_. Byakuran thought, chewing on a fluffy piece of marshmallow.

* * *

**4. Surrounded by pitiful idiots.**

He wonders sometimes why he decided to tag them along with him.

Achieving his goal would be a little harder without them of course, but he could manage.

That question often comes when he sees their everyday antics. M.M trying to get Ken or Chikusa to take care of Fran instead of her, then she and Ken gets angry when the ten year old says a witty remark about them, all while Chikusa is trying to calm them down, and in the end Fran heads over to Chrome saying that she's the most decent person here, a thing that makes Chrome blush beet red.

_Pity_. He decided was the reason he let them be with him. _It would be a bother to get rid of them now so I'll probably let them stay._

Mukuro then continued to read the random magazine he was reading earlier, oblivious to the fond smile that was gracing his features.

* * *

**5. Surrounded by weird idiots.**

He could honestly say that he was the most normal one in his family.

Adelheid was overly protective and usually scolded him for being late _(for a minute, he might add)_ then proceeded to hug him _(to death)_ saying that he shouldn't make her worry so much, Julie had the odd habit of pursuing girls that wouldn't give him a second glance, Shitopi was… well _Shitopi_, Kaoru was overly shy and just could stand there for eternity not saying a single word, Koyo was proud to be an idiot _(which was a thing one shouldn't be proud of really)_, and Rauji had the enough patience to be able to play with _Lambo_ happily.

So yeah, they were a weird bunch.

But as he looked at them, Enma thought that he wouldn't have them any other way.

* * *

**6. Surrounded by annoying idiots.**

_Can't a person eat his dinner in peace?_ Xanxus pondered, hearing the sounds of _'Voi!'_ and _'Ushishishi'_ and '_I'm so sorry Bossu!'_ all over the dining room. Those pieces of trash just kept going on and on arguing about some seriously ridiculous stuff like who'll get the last piece of steak (_it was obviously his so he really couldn't see the point of their argument)_. And having enough with their shit, he beat them up.

_Why are they my subordinates again?_ He wondered, eating the steak that they were fighting over earlier.

_They're loyal at least._ Xanxus sighed, deciding to keep them for another day.

* * *

**7. Surrounded by insane idiots.**

_It'll be a wonder if he lived past his thirties with a family like his_. Tsuna sighed.

They were a unique bunch of overly talented people with things that no one should be talented in. He met some of them on peaceful terms while he met the others on not-so-peaceful ones. Their antics caused him to sweatdrop, to shriek like a small child, to hold his head in despair, to laugh, to question his sanity, to cry, to smile, to be confused about what to feel.

So every time they fought or argue about trivial things, he just sits there sighing, trying his hardest not get involved.

Though with time, the sighs turn into smiles, and he wishes them not to change.

They were crazy of course, no one questions about that.

_But they were still his family._

And if accepting them made him crazy as well…

Then so be it.

* * *

Did you like it?

Feel free to state your opinions.


	3. MultiPlayer

Hello again, how are you all?

**MyHobbyIsToRunFromReality:** You really think so? Thank you so much! I was afraid it was OOC or something. Thanks for the kind review ^^

**tora-chan83:** Thank you really, I'm glad you liked it ^^ Oh, thanks for pointing that out, I'll be sure to correct it soon enough. Many thanks for the lovely review :)

**Chocolate and caramel:** I'm glad you do dear ^^ Thanks for the review :D

**Minimo:** Thank you, I'm happy that you liked it. At least now I know that I did something right XD Thanks for the review dear :D

******Title:** Multi-Player.  
******Timeline:** Between the Shimon Arc and the Representative Battle of the Rainbow Arc .******  
****Characters/Pairings:** Gokudera, Tsuna.  
**Genre:** Friendship/Hurt-Comfort.  
**********Summury:** In which Tsuna teaches Gokudera how to play video games, and Gokudera learns that Tsuna is a gaming master.

**A/N:** This oneshot was a gift for someone I follow on Tumblr, hope it's good enough.

* * *

**Multi-Player**

* * *

When Gokudera decided to visit the Sawada household to give today's homework to Tsuna (who was absent this day because he had a serious case of flu), he didn't expect to see his friend in the quiet (that was a miracle in itself) living room, sitting alone playing video games with a blanket covering his shoulders.

"Tenth…" he called out hesitantly, not sure how to approach.

Tsuna turned toward him and smiled. "Hey, Gokudera! Didn't hear you coming."

"The door was opened," Gokudera explained, setting the textbooks on the table.

Tsuna looked thoughtful for a minute before he remembered. "Ah, my mom must've left it that way. She and Bianchi and the kids went to the supermarket to buy something for dinner a while ago. And Reborn is taking a nap upstairs, so I'm sure it wasn't him."

Gokudera nodded understandably and took a seat next to him, observing the game Tsuna was playing curiously. Noting that, Tsuna offered him the controller. "Here, try it. I promise that it's fun."

Although the silver haired teen didn't know how to play, he couldn't refuse when the other kindly offered him that.

But then when the controller finally went into his possession, he just kept staring at the TV screen begging it inwardly to tell him how to play just so he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of his friend.

But after a while of staring, Tsuna decided to ask, "Gokudera, what's wrong? You didn't even press the Start button."

_Might as well admit it_. And with a embarrassed blush, he mumbled, "I don't know how to play…"

"You mean this game? It's okay, I can teach you." Tsuna smiled at him reassuringly.

"No…" Gokudera said, averting his eyes. "The whole thing… I never played a video game before." _There I said it, I wish the floor would swallow me whole…_

And with that, everything made sense, and Tsuna felt terribly guilty. Of course Gokudera didn't know how to play video games, he didn't have the time to play one! While he was buying and playing his games safely, Gokudera probably was fighting for his life.

_How can he fix this?_

"We can't have that."

"What?" Gokudera asked confusedly, whatever response he expected from the brunette wasn't this; Tsuna looking at him determination that even rivaled the Lawn-Head's.

"You, my friend, came to the best man for this job. I will proudly guide you to a world filled with adventure!" _Why is he talking like that? Did the flu get worse?_

"So press that button and go." Tsuna grinned, and oddly enough, Gokudera felt confident to begin.

Or at least wanting to begin.

"Err… Where is the start button, Tenth?"

_This will take a while_. Tsuna sighed, smiling fondly.

* * *

After two hours, Gokudera played every game Tsuna had, taking every note the other said to heart.

_He's doing so well_! Tsuna cheered inwardly with an unhidden fatherly pride.

"Tenth, what about that last game?" Gokudera asked, pointing toward the lone disc that was shoved at the back of the cupboard.

"That's a fighting game, it's mainly multi-player. But I don't think I played it before." The brown haired teen noted, picking it up.

Gokudera frowned in confusion at that. "Why, is it broken?"

"It's just that I didn't have anyone to play it with me, and I didn't want to bother mom." Tsuna smiled sadly, remembering how when his mother bought it, she told him he would have fun playing it with his friends.

_But friends didn't come, did they?_ It has been years ever since he last saw that game, he forgot he even had it.

"I see." And the next thing he knows, Gokudera snatched the disc from his hands and suggested cheerfully. "Let's play it now then."

Tsuna stared at him for a while, and bringing out a spare controller, he grinned brightly. "Why not?"

* * *

And after a while of heavy key mashing, it turned out that even if Tsuna was playing this for the first time, he was still able to beat Gokudera effortlessly.

"Well, you're the winner," Gokudera announced in surrender, seeing how every attempt at winning ended up miserably, t_he Tenth has light speed fingers_. And it was the time for him to leave anyway, he can't stay and bother him.

"It's okay, you can try again," Tsuna assured.

At that, the bomber's eyes widened. "You mean we can do this again?"

"Of course, and I want to see you beating me on this game, I accept nothing else as my student." He was making stuff up at that point, but he wanted to make the silver haired friend of his feel comfortable with all of this.

"I won't disappoint you then, Tenth!" Gokudera exclaimed with high enthusiasm, making the other chuckle softly.

"I'm sure you won't, Gokudera."

* * *

And as the years passed by, Gokudera still wasn't able to beat Tsuna on that game, no matter how different tactics he used.

But you know what? He didn't feel sad about it.

Because at these rare moments when he's shouting at his character being so slow to respond while Tsuna is smiling at his antics, telling him that he wasn't pressured and can try again - that he felt really happy.

They weren't a boss and a right-hand-man when they played that game.

They were just friends.

* * *

So, did you like it?

I'm having some sort of _'what the hell I'm suppose to work on?'_ crisis, so I apologize if you were waiting for the other fics I wrote. I'll post them sometime soon I hope.


	4. Being Reborn

Hello again ^^

Thanks to those who reviewed~! I'll be replying to them all later.

So this is a oneshot I wrote for Reborn's birthday, I have no idea what to label it. And yes, I have awful titling skills (awful writing skills too…)

I tried giving some sort of background to him by the way he viewed the people who had the most impact on his life, so I hope that this is decent at least.

There was an attempt.

******Title:** Being Reborn.******  
Timeline:** Before and during the series.******  
****Characters/Pairings: **Reborn.**********  
**Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort.**********  
Summury: **Maybe that odd name had some use after all.

**A/N:** I wrote this as separate oneshot before, but I though it would be better if I put this here instead.

* * *

**Being Reborn**

* * *

xx(Fedora)xx

* * *

He couldn't remember much about the man. A comforting presence and a fedora covered head was all what he could recall.

One that he has been wearing ever since that bitter funeral.

"Your fedora is too large for me," he said as he struggled to adjust it. "Mother told me that I need to grow more for it to fit me like it did to you."

He smiled with a hint of confusion at the weird choice of words that were engraved under the name.

_Be reborn._

That man had the oddest sense of humor.

"I'll take good care of it," he vowed, pressing his little hand on his chest and continued with a determent look, "count on me, father."

He was glad that the fedora was covering his eyes.

Because he stopped smiling and, as a seven year old child, started crying for the first time ever since his father was murdered.

* * *

xx(Special)xx

* * *

_"Live your life to the fullest!"_ was what she always used to say.

She was a strange one to be honest.

She always wore absurd outfits and disguises that no one but him and his father could recognize for some unfathomable reason. And her teaching methods were quite absurd, too.

She was strange when his father had died, never letting that cheerful smile off her face as she told him bedtime stories whenever he had nightmares about what happened.

She was strange even in her own death.

_"You'll die when you accept your death and live when you fight it."_

He never understood the meaning of her words for so long.

Closing her eyes, she told him that she'll take a short nap. But he knew that she wasn't going to sleep.

After all, a sleepy person wouldn't cry when saying _"Good Night"_.

She might be strange, but his mother was the sun of his world.

And with her gone, his world grew darker.

* * *

xx(Acceptance)xx

* * *

It was the first time that he met her, but he was sure that everyone in that group knew about each other.

She _knew_ about him.

_"Hello, I'm Luce."_

And yet…

_"Pleased to meet you."_

She smiled with utter acceptance at him.

It was a smile that was never shown to him before. A first in the years he spent in this dark world.

He liked it.

_"I'm Reborn."_

He really, really liked it.

* * *

xx(Deja Vu)xx

* * *

Aria and Uni were just like her.

They smiled just like her.

They looked just like her.

And they accepted him just like her.

It was the same painful story that his form now was the proof of.

He couldn't protect them just like her.

* * *

xx(Student)xx

* * *

It was the first time ever that Reborn was assigned to tutor someone. He only accepted because normal jobs grew dull with time, and he was willing to explore new fields.

_So this is Dino Cavallone,_ Reborn thought as he saw the teen trip on air (an impressive feat to be honest) in front of him.

"Ciaossu," Reborn greeted.

The boy's eyes widened in shock at the sight of him.

_I need to shape this kid up to be a fitting boss, eh?_

Reborn smirked evilly, all while Dino felt years of agony beforehand.

_This is going to be fun._

* * *

xx(Legacy)xx

* * *

He quickly became one of the most trusted allies to the Vongola Ninth shortly after he joined the Family's ranks.

And even though the Ninth continued on the other bosses ways, Reborn respected him for wanting to bring back the Vongola to its original roots.

"_Would we see that day I wonder?"_ the worn out old boss asked.

_"Maybe,"_ Reborn answered.

* * *

xx(Father)xx

* * *

There were a lot of rules on the contract that he signed with the Ninth about tutoring the would be Vongola Tenth.

He was sure that smiling like an overly proud father upon witnessing his student going up against him, refusing to let him die was not one of them.

**_"You'll die when you accept your death and live when you fight it."_**

He finally understood those words.

_"I want to live longer. Will you do me this favor?"_

_"Of course… of course!"_

And he could use a son anyway.

* * *

xx(Be Reborn)xx

* * *

So that odd choice of words that he took as a name was right.

His father must be laughing.

* * *

End.

So, what do you think?


	5. Eternal Melody

I had this written already so might as well post it :)

I once told myself that I was going to write a G/Lavina oneshot. I did, and it's one hundred percent made of fail *sob* This might be the only fic with these two as a ship, so I feel kind of special XD

**Title: **Eternal Melody.**  
Timeline: **AU-ish, during series. At the Arco trails filler arc in the anime to be exact.**  
Characters/Pairings: **G/Lavina, First Gen Vongola and mentions of Gokudera.**  
Genre: **Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship and a hint of Romance.**  
Summary: **"Some say that people tend to forget when they spend a long time in here. I don't want to forget so I play this piece to remember."

**A/N:** I have crack pairings too!

* * *

**Eternal Melody**

* * *

If he wanted to describe this place with one word, boring would be it. The many decades he spent doing practically nothing proved his point.

_I guess this is just part of the job, huh?_

G didn't exactly know what this place was called; he didn't care to find out really. All he had known is that two kinds of souls gathered here, the ones that still have a duty to finish, and the ones that were unable to pass on.

He was the first type. You can say that it was one of the _perks_ of working under the Vongola. Every boss and his or her guardians will have to stay here and help guide the generations after them. For how long this is going to continue? He really had no idea. Maybe when the Vongola finally ends, but he really didn't want to think about that.

In an effort to find something else to do other than to hear Lampo and Knuckle sing, he decided to take a walk; boring as this place was, it was very beautiful. He walked around aimlessly for a while before he stumbled upon a flower field. _I never seen this place before. _His confusion was cut off when he heard a sound coming from the aforementioned field. A few seconds had passed before he recognized the sound, he heard it a lot back when he was alive.

He was sure that the sound he was hearing was the sound of a piano's melody. But unlike the elegant melodies he heard at the balls his family held long ago, this melody was sweet, simple and awfully sad.

G decided that it was the most beautiful melody he's ever heard.

Looking around, he found it.

In the center of the flower field, a beautiful white piano, being played by a beautiful white wearing woman.

He stood there, leaning against a tree, content to just hear the music.

* * *

G found himself coming to the field everyday, doing nothing but to stand and listen as the pianist played. She always played the same piece, not changing one note. He had the urge to ask her the reason for that, but he didn't know how to approach so he kept his question to himself. He thought that today will be the same, but it wasn't...

The music suddenly stopped.

Confused, G turned around only to be met by a pair of bright green eyes that were glinting amusedly at him.

"Hello," the owner of the said eyes greeted.

"H-hello," he replied, startled. He didn't expect her to come to him first.

Smiling warmly, she spoke, "I saw you coming here for a while and I grew curious, you're my audience after all." Offering a handshake she continued, "I'm Lavina, and you?"

"G," he said shaking her hand. _It's very soft…_

She raised an eyebrow. "Just G?"

"Just G." He nodded in affirmation.

"Well, Just G, would you like to sit with me? It gets sorta boring when you have no one to talk to," the silver haired woman reasoned.

Having nothing else to do, G agreed to her offer hesitantly

During their short walk toward the piano, G asked doubtfully, "Do you always go all the way and talk to random strangers?"

"Only random strangers that enjoy music," Lavina replied, chuckling softly.

* * *

He was surprised to know that the didn't own the piano, and that she merely discovered it along with the flower field. He was more surprised when she insisted to teach him how to play it, just the basics and nothing too complected. Eventually, he caved in against her stubbornness. He was doing good for someone who didn't get the proper schooling, he was kind of proud of himself actually.

However, there was one question that lingered in his mind.

One day he stood behind her as she played that same piece and asked, "Why?" And although it wasn't that obvious, G knew that she understood what he was asking about.

She tensed for a brief moment before she turned towards him. "This piece was the first one I've ever made. It took quite a while to master it, so I was very proud of myself when I finally did."

"It's also…" She was trembling. G cursed his curiosity at that moment. He was about to tell her that she didn't have to say anything when she continued, voice barely above whisper. "I-It's also the only piece I taught to my son…"

"He was better than me, you know?" She looked up to him and smiled sadly, but there was an obvious hint of motherly pride in her voice when she continued, "A prodigy, my Hayato."

"Some say that people tend to forget when they spend a long time in here. I don't want to forget so I play this piece to remember."

It was then that G took a seat next to her and tapped some random keys in the piano as he said, "Teach it to me then, so that if you forget, I can remind you."

She smiled happily this time.

* * *

He learned a lot about Lavina and her son as he started slowly to master the piece. Mainly that she was feeling guilty about not telling her son who she really was. She didn't want to leave him heart broken, but she only ended up making him that way eventually.

Inwardly, G concluded that this was the reason that made her unable to pass on. Her guilt bounded her to this place.

_Well, might as well stick with her then…_

It's not like he'll go anywhere soon.

* * *

Ironically, two days later, he found out that the Vongola's first generation was going to the living world for a while. Something about Arcobaleno trails or like that. He went to Lavina to tell her that he wouldn't be there for a few days (not because he wanted to see her one last time, it was absurd to even think that…). She looked rather disappointed and told him that she'll miss him greatly (he didn't get flustered when she said that, he didn't!).

Upon reaching the world of the living, he immediately recognized the one he was suppose to handle. After all, he heard a lot of him from his mother.

Gokudera Hayato, huh?

_Pleasure to finally meet you._

* * *

When he and his Family returned, he quickly excused himself and headed straight to the flower field.

And looking around for a little bit, he managed to spot Lavina easily. And when the pianist saw him approaching, she noticeably perked up. "Long time no see."

"Your son is rash and too aggressive, he's not a good right-hand-man material currently," G immediately started, smiling as he saw the very confused look on Lavina's face. "But he's loyal to his friends and loved ones and his heart is in the right place. He'll be a great man with a bright future one day."

"You mean…?" was all the sliver haired woman managed to say, tears forming in her eyes.

"Did you know that he has a picture of you in his bedroom? He kisses it every time he goes to sleep. I should know better, I was trapped in his ring after all." G gave a soft snort at that, remembering the kid's antics. And then grabbing Lavina's shoulders firmly, he continued, "Whatever wrong you think you did to him, he forgives you for it."

"He loves you, Lavina," he finished, letting go of her.

He was about to leave her so she could sort her feelings out when she grabbed his hand. Surprised, he looked at her inquiringly.

"G," she started, grabbing his hand more tightly, "thank you…" she continued, tears falling and smiling the most breath-taking smile he ever saw.

He smiled gently in return. "You're welcome, Lavina."

* * *

When he finally returned to his family, he was surprised (and a little pissed) to know that they followed him all the way to the field.

"We were just curious." Giotto smiled apologetically, as if that would make all things better.

Having a death wish, Lampo teased, "The great G has finally fell into the traps of love! Look at him blushing so madly, ah young love~!"

"Uh, Lampo. I don't thi-"

Too late.

He beat him into a bloody pulp.

* * *

I ship the oddest of pairs.

Feel free to say your opinions.


	6. Apparently I Have A Thing For Fire

So one day, I wanted to help out on filling the khr kinkmeme.

And I filled with this.

You can kill me, I won't mind.

**Title: **Apparently, I Have A Thing For Fire.**  
Timeline: **After the Arco Arc. 2YL.**  
Characters/Pairings:** Kind of Spanner/Tsuna?  
**Genre:** Humor.  
**Summary:** Okay, so maybe I read somewhere that these kinds of things would distract you from the pain, but I would've never thought that the Vongola would be the one to start it, putting his hand on my thigh like that...

**A/N:** I don't know the meaning of attractive writing.

* * *

**Apparently, I Have A Thing For Fire**

* * *

Spanner knew that coming to the Sawada house was a risk a few insane people would take. And even though most people wouldn't call him insane (_yet_), he found himself there anyway. Because his excitement over his latest works kinda shoved away any reasonable thought on his mind.

He really shouldn't be that surprised when a random family decided that it was a beautiful day to assassinate the would be Vongola Boss (because as much as he refuses that, the kid will be the boss eventually), and get injured heavily. Being in the center of a serious butt kicking would assure of that.

After the dust was cleared, the Vongola's eyes narrowed upon seeing him in that state.

Spanner held back a slight shudder at that.

"I'm sorry," the Vongola said, voice slightly deeper being in his hyper dying will mode and kneeling in front of him to check out his injuries. "You got injured because of me."

"It's okay," Spanner replied, "I kind of expected this." He winced when he attempted to laugh.

The Vongola looked at him for a while as if he was pondering upon doing something. "I think I can ease out your pain a little." And before he could ask him what he was going to do, he just suddenly took off Spanner's pants so smoothly that it has be illegal somewhere.

Spanner's eyes widened.

_Okay, so maybe I read somewhere that these kinds of things would distract you from the pain, but I would've never thought that the Vongola would be the one to start it, putting his hand on my thigh like that..._

... wait, what?

"V-Vongola, what are _you_ doing exactly?" he asked, holding back gasps that weren't entirely from the pain.

Tsuna just looked at him like he wasn't doing anything wrong. "Reborn told me that the Sky flames had the ability to heal. While it's not as effective as the Sun flames, it would at least make you feel better until I get you to the hospital." Then, his gloved hands lightened up with flames as his fingers hovered over the wounds that were all over his legs.

"Oh, okay then..." Spanner replied, watching the other's fingers ghosting gentle flames on his flesh with utter fascination.

A year ago, when he received memories of a far away future, he thought that he was out of his mind. But then he met them, people he shouldn't recognize so clearly like that.

He remembered this boy, and the deadly attack that was called X-Burner.

For all his life, Spanner wasn't so fascinated with something as he was with that attack. The fact that this young boy with the scrawny body he had (though Spanner would later argue that it was a developing scrawny body, a _nicely_ developing scrawny body) packed that much power in him was so captivating.

The fact that the same flaming hands that could destroy entire bases at wish are now gently healing him _oh so slowly_ was absolutely...

Absolutely...

_Absolutely..._

"Spanner, are you alright?" Tsuna asked, looking very much concerned.

Spanner's already flushed body reddened even more upon realizing that he was moaning so wantonly just now...

* * *

I really should lay off that meme.

What do you think?


	7. Way Past Creepy

Hello there~

******Title: **Way Past Creepy.******  
Timeline: **After chapter 401.******  
Characters/Pairings:** People who were there.**  
****Genre:** Humor/Horror.**  
****Summary:** "We're so going to get owned…"

**A/N:** Don't ask...

* * *

**Way Past Creepy**

* * *

After Bermuda's true form has been finally revealed, shocked gasps were heard all over.

"Don't I look magnificent?" he asked his still jaw-dropped observers.

"Magnificently creepy, horrid, terrifying?" Mukuro asked in return. "Limps and torsos were trashed for this?"

_Why am I still looking at him?_ Hibari asked himself, looking very much scarred for life.

"I've faced a lot of creepy shit in my days but this takes the cake," Skull noted.

Verde paled. "The mere idea of doing an experiment on him terrifies me…"

"We better get paid big time for this," Mammon spat irritably.

"This is what I can truly call an abomination," Fon spoke calmly as always.

"How mean! It has been a long time ever since I was in this body, have some respect." Bermuda pouted, making everybody cringe with horror.

"I can see why," Reborn said, looking clearly uncomfortable.

_"Join me, Reborn-kun."_

_._

_._

Dear God…

Looking at the bodies that were lying and bleeding all over the place, Tsuna muttered grimly, "This is so wrong…"

"Can our status be confirmed please, I don't like the suspense," Dino called out.

"I prefer if I was alive." Byakuran shrugged (well, as much as he can shrug anyways). "Being dead for the first time is not fun, being dead for the second time is outright cruel Amano."

Squalo was outraged to say the least. "If I was going to be dead someone better wash my hair before I get buried!"

"Oi shitty shark, why didn't you tell me you were still alive? You worried me over nothing you piece of shit!" Xanxus growled.

"Why would you even worry, shitty boss? And what in the world happened to you?!"

"Shut up trash!"

"Can we die now?" Fran asked. "I don't want to look at that weirdo's face anymore."

"Nothing can proceed until the next chapter is released," Chrome answered. _Ow! That blasted Jager, no mercy for the organ-less. _

"This is going to be the worst moment in my life…" Enma sighed in defeat.

_Better delete my Bermuda/Reborn fanfic now._ Uni thought, keeping her pokerface in check.

"People paired me up with this dude!" Tsuna exclaimed. "They paired me up with _him_!"

"Sucks to be you," everyone said.

"We'll get therapy later," Reborn assured, looking like he needed some therapy himself. "Just watch your step when the new chapter is released. No matter how creepy he looks, you have to keep in mind that he's very strong."

It was then that Tsuna remembered that this was the guy that supplied enough energy for the Vindice to defeat the strongest people he knew. It didn't even look like he broke a sweat in doing that.

"We're so going to get owned…"

* * *

Bermuda's face...

Totally didn't expect it.

Totally...

Thank God that he got defeated quickly, because his face cracked me up.

Did I scare you off with this?


	8. Sleeping Beauty

Hello... yes, I still didn't forget about this.

******Title:** Sleeping Beauty.******  
Timeline:** 2YL.******  
****Characters/Pairings: **None, except for maybe half of Namimori swooning over Xanxus?**********  
**Genre: Humor.**********  
Summury: **Xanxus wanted a lot of things. He wanted a bigger chair, a never ending glass of Tequila and the title of the Vongola Tenth. He, however, did not want this.

* * *

**Sleeping Beauty**

* * *

He woke up just like he did everyday, mood dark and head slightly spinning from drinking all night.

But then, when he groggily looked at the mirror, he saw a young face of someone who was definitely not a male.

He looked closer and saw that this was the face of a very attractive woman in front of him. Short, dark hair. Reddish eyes and a scarred yet somehow smooth, tanned face. And a long, soft-looking neck.

Yes, this chick is definitely attractive.

Now who the hell is she?

He might not remember much about last night, but he is sure as hell that he was all alone in his room at the time. There was no company with him at all.

He was about to grumble an insult before he accidentally looked down.

"What the fuck?!"

* * *

When Squalo came to his boss's room, utterly annoyed that he has been woken up from a good nap, he saw the back of a shirtless woman staring at the mirror in front of her. He would've raised his eyebrows in confusion and left in silence (he won't get involved with his boss's company, he's not paid enough to handle that shit) if it weren't for the fact that the woman faced him, her expression livid.

"What's the meaning of this, trash?"

Squalo could recognize that annoyingly authoritative tone anywhere, even when it came from an attractive, shirtless woman. "Boss?"

"Of course I'm your fucking boss. Now explain this shit!"

His boss's voice was hilariously high pitched, totally different from his original one. "You're a woman now, great tits by the way."

Xanxus shot him, _where the hell did he(she) even bring the guns from?_

Before Xanxus shot him again, Levi burst through the door, looking immensely frantic. "Boss! Nono sent me an urgent messa-"

He then saw Xanxus and immediately shut his mouth.

"Our boss is a woman now." Squalo smirked. Perhaps the lack of sleep made him suicidal.

Covering up a nosebleed, Levi bowed. "Thank you boss for allowing me to take a look at your glorious breasts! I will never forget this as long as I lived!"

Squalo smirk fell as he sensed his boss growing more angrier. "Stop- HOLY SHIT!"

The top floor of the hotel they were living in suddenly exploded.

"I regret nothing!" Levi exclaimed happily.

* * *

After a quick visit to the Sawada household (because Xanxus vaguely remembered getting shot there by a small bullet that didn't actually hurt him), he was told that he was shot by a new bullet Reborn intended to shoot at Sawada, but somehow, it ended up being shot at him instead.

Upon asking where that blasted baby was, Sawada sheepishly told him that he was taking a vacation in the North Pole along with Bianchi, and that he wasn't expected to return for another month.

"At least you look good," Sawada said in a failed attempt at comforting him.

Xanxus almost destroyed his house.

* * *

If Xanxus foolishly thought that this day couldn't get any worse, he was wrong.

"What the hell are you talking about, old man?"

Nono laughed kindly over the other side of the line. "At first, I was about to send you the best candidates for wives, you're really not getting any younger and I want to see my grandchildren. But then I heard that you became a woman so I had to switch things up for a bit.

Now, I'll just send you potential husbands instead."

As if cue, many men carrying roses entered the hotel's main lobby, all running towards him.

"Thank you, Lord," Squalo said before he burst out laughing, he could die, he still didn't care.

One man courageously exclaimed, "Ti amo, Xanxus!" before he was shot.

* * *

It took fifteen men screaming in agony before his suitors decided to come here on another day, a day when Xanxus didn't break out in a homicidal outrage.

And so, totally assured that no one would be brave enough to start something, Xanxus closed his eyes and gave in to sleep when he was eating a steak in the hotel's restaurant.

Only to be woken up by the sound of annoying chatter around him.

"You're totally right! She's perfect!"

Finally deciding to open his eyes, Xanxus looked around to see a group of weirdly dressed girls circling around him. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Even her language is perfect!" one girl squealed.

Another girl, who looked like she was the leader of this pack, smiled at him as she explained, "We're cosplaying for a con here, and we just thought that you looked very suitable to be the villain of Magica, you really look like her."

Xanxus decided to spare their lives for one more moment so he could ask, "And what the hell is that?"

"A Magical Girl anime of course!" the girls said in one, giving him silly grins along with that. One of them brought out a black sailor outfit and gestured for him to wear it even.

Xanxus silently brought out the X-Guns.

* * *

After a month, a month that Xanxus spent every moment in trying to get all kinds of people off him (mainly that fucker, Longchamp, who was convinced that he was his long lost girlfriend), Xanxus found himself (herself really) ringing the Sawada household's bell again.

Sawada opened the door, paled when he saw him, scribbled something on a paper quickly and gave it to him before he took a pill and flew off.

_"Reborn is in Canada right now, sorry."_

Xanxus almost destroyed his neighborhood this time.

* * *

End.


End file.
